


Gluttony

by igpay_atinlay



Series: Little Wonders [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Captain "teenagers for god's sake" Levi, Coping, F/M, Gen, Levisha Week, Non-Graphic Violence, Pre-Relationship, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6578362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igpay_atinlay/pseuds/igpay_atinlay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was just one teensy party sir,” she mutters, scuffing the hardboard floor with a boot.</p><p>Levi merely stares.</p><p>Then-</p><p>"I’ll go, um, drill sir!" Blouse squeaks.</p><p>and <em>gallops</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gluttony

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Levisha Week on Tumblr. This is the first of a series of seven, detailing the evolution of Levi and Sasha Blouse as a dynamic, with other characters showing up as well. Enjoy!

She never learns, he thinks, as he bends over the tiny trail of ants marching onto her bedspread. Blouse is on the other side of the bed, all red cheeks and slumped in abject misery.

"It was just one teensy party sir," she mutters, scuffing the hardboard floor with a boot.

There are ants.

 _Ants_.

In his barracks.

Levi merely stares.

Then-

"I'll go, um, drill sir!" Blouse squeaks.

and _gallops_.

Levi looks at the mess of cake crumbs at his feet and clamps two fingers over his nostrils to block out the smell of leftover meat.

"Any one of you lardlings want to clean this up?"

* * *

There's a lot going for a man when no one laughs at him even though he's got his nose pinched tighter than a courtesan's bodice.

* * *

That must have been almost two hours ago, during which Levi's been holed up in his office accosted by a flurry of squad leaders clamoring to offer their opinions on the latest scheme their erstwhile leader has cooked up in that mechanical brain of his, but Levi knows that Erwin's playing a deeper, more dangerous game then before, and so he settles for the old adage of "trust, and ye shall survive" prattle, and as he sends of the last of his subordinates, wonders when that particular piece of propaganda has become more of a death knell than a prayer.

Pounding footsteps issue through the one window in the room. Levi looks out just in time to see Blouse lope pass in a mass of bouncing burnished hair and limbs. He snorts incredulously. Is that girl still at it? He considers giving her actual productive tasks to do. Everyone's boots could use some shining. And there's always shoveling duty in the stables. But if she wants to expend all her energy eating up mileage with her feet on her day off then that's fine by him-at least tonight she'll sleep it off instead of desecrating his clean floors.

Levi stifles a huff, glancing down at the pile of reports cluttering up his desk. If he wants to get sleep tonight, these need to get done and filed-though why the ruler insists on daily issue reports baffles him- what does the King do with these when he's done reading them anyway? Wipe his shi-

Blouse thumps by his window again. Levi wrenches his mind away from the toiletry habits of royalty and his unfortunate reports and walks over, leaning on the ledge. Several minutes tick by. The officer's barracks aren't exceptionally large, just a long wooden building built slightly higher than the rest- so it shouldn't take very long, and yes, Blouse rounds the corner, gait slowing to a stop as she spots him. Levi scoffs as she freezes, her shoulders tensing in preparation to bolt. Girl is just too damn honest it's almost painful to watch. Where is she going to run anyway? He wonders if he should dispense a lesson on body language but remembers that trainees like Blouse won't ever have to sit through hours of excruciating dinner with nobles and disguise her feelings, so instead he crooks a finger in the most emotionless "come hither" gesture ever made and watches as she slinks over like a dog on its last legs.

"Blouse," he says without preamble once she's within earshot,waving away her attempts at a salute,"care to tell me why you're running rings around the officer's quarters?"

"I was just checking up on my stamina," Blouse mumbles.

"As I recall, the training grounds are that way." He points to the flat plains far beyond the living quarters, where he can make out a splash of red fluttering in the breeze. Ackerman, doubtless hovering around Jaegar. "And as much as I commend personal training, it's the first leave the squadron's been given in a while-sure you're not more comfortable raiding the food supplies with Springer for some fun?"

"Sir," says Blouse hesitantly-

"-oh, get that hangdog look off your face", Levi says, resigned to the fact that one of his duties is to handle teenage emotions in his downtime while not killing giant pea brained eating machines.

In all honestly, he'd rather have the eating machines, pea brained and all.

Blouse straightens up a bit. "I've run the whole length of the grounds already. Four times. Now I'm going round the barracks."

"You've been running? The whole of the past two hours?"

"I walked in the woods a little. I found some mushrooms and brought them back. Sergeant Stiegsson said they're enough to account for the food I took last night. And then I ran the grounds. Afterwards I cleaned my gear and did some push ups."

"Did you now?" Levi responds, but it is in an absent tone, his attention more on her fingers, interlocking and then not, the nervous tic in her jaw, and her stance. She's shifting her balance far too much for a regular telling off. Its almost-

"Have you eaten yet, Blouse?"

"I-yes sir."

Of course she would have. He's heard the story of what happened between her and Shadis, how she chose a day of laps over missing a meal-if she hadn't eaten he'd be more on alert, but this is the fifth day in a row she's received a dressing down from him for filching supplies-and the amount of sheer activity she's done during these past five days isn't exactly healthy. He knows that Arlet, easily the most observant of their group, is already shooting Blouse some sympathetic looks, and Springer, normally as dense as week-old bread, is asking questions as to why Blouse is up earlier and goes to bed later than most people.

Her fidgeting becomes more obvious, and Levi notes the dark circles round her eyes.

"Eyes on me," he reminds her, and sure enough she starts guiltily.

Does she know how obvious she's being? Post-battle..fatigue isn't all that uncommon, but Blouse has always been one of the more level-headed ones, not as stone-faced as Braun, Hoover, Ackerman and that tall beanpole with the freckles-but she's no slouch. He clears his throat.

"How was the last mission for you?" he asks, and oh-there- those dark circles show up in startling clarity as her eyes widen. She bites her lips in reflexive movement, releasing her breath in a slow gust of air. Building up courage to tell him-

- _a squadron sent out to scout a path isn't all that extraordinary, but this time Blouse was the only fresh face amongst them. A lack of foresight led to only two soldiers on patrol while the rest slept. A tragedy waiting to happen. Stiegsson, who led the mission, mentioned that Blouse's nearest companion had his legs crunched to a mess of meaty pulp before Blouse managed to kill the Titan that had its teeth embedded in the other soldier. Levi hadn't asked if there was a need for a mercy killing. Out of the original fourteen only six came back. Blouse was one the fortunate few_ -

"It went fine sir. We've suffered losses but definitely, for humanity-"

-Levi hadn't realized he'd grasped her hand and dragged her so close they're almost nose to nose. Up close, she's pale and clammy and if there's any doubt she's not well that's all gone now.

" _Cut the crap, trainee_." He grips her wrist harder, forcing her to look at him, really look at him instead of skittering away like she's been doing the whole time. "If I wanted a textbook answer I'd have consulted the soldiers pledge. How was the mission for _you_?"

Blouse heaves a shuddering sigh. " _Horrible_ ," she whispers, her voice thick with anguish. "I can't sleep, thinking about how those things came at us-they were so fast and we were so _little_ -I keep hearing-she swallows, going an unnatural shade like that of curdled milk. Levi releases her, giving Blouse the opportunity to retch if she needs to. Not the first time he's seen it happening, but Blouse surprises him; she gasps in a lungful of air, holding it in until he can see her jaw wobble with strain-and then her face resumes its normal hue as she lets it go in a deep exhale.

Another one who's learned to breathe through trouble.

"Its not something that can go away." Levi tells her. Someone has to tell her. Someone has to say that no matter how bone tired you are, the screams and the pain will come for you as long as you keep dread in your heart instead of faith.

" _But I can't sleep_!" Blouse says through gritted teeth, desperation coating every word like some slow poison. Have her eyes always been that shade of brown? Like sweets and celebrations? Levi shakes his head. "And is burning yourself out any better?"

"Its better than hearing my comrade's screams as their bones break."

He has nothing to say to that, and in the silence that follows, Blouse looks at him with hurt eyes, as if she can't believe how he's not fixing this for her, making things better. But how can you make death bearable for a girl barely into womanhood-tell her that death, even hers, is necessary for the sake of those living within walls? She might never get to see her family again, or her friends. Who is she fighting for then?

"I can-" Blouse interrupts his search for an answer with one of her own."-I can fight, for humanity and all. I can try, sir, I really can, but I need to know how."

She shouldn't even be here. None of the younger ones should.

"You do what you just did a few minutes ago. You breathe, get some air in your lungs when the weight feels too much." Levi dredges up advice from memories drenched in other people's blood. "You sleep when you can, talk to friends when you can't. Write apologies to those you couldn't save, accept that you can't save everyone."

He turns his head away, not wanting to see frustration on her face, the same frustration he felt when Erwin told him this same banged-up horseshit so many years ago. "You find people to love, and you hold faith that the children living after all this is done will be able to love more fiercely and longer than you can."

"That should go in a book," he hears her say. Blouse meets his gaze a little sheepishly, no doubt embarrassed that she snapped at her commanding officer. He allows a slight smile, mostly to put her at ease, and the rest to reminisce. "Well, the person who told me that probably took it out of a book himself."

In the distance, next to the red scarf of Ackerman's, he hears Springer lets out loud whoops as he and Braun's heavily muscled figure tackle Kirstein to the ground. They laugh, clear and bright as the sweetest ring a bell could make. "You're not the only one who feels this way," he tells Blouse, who's face has clouded over in a ghostly pain as she turns away to watch the others.

"I know," comes the quiet reply. "Its just difficult to laugh sometimes when-everything is just so fresh in my head."

"You could start by talking to Arlet-Kirstein too. They're not bad at making people feel better about all this. And if-" Blouse looks at him with interest-he hopes this damned awkward feeling isn't showing on his face, they never said anything about _teenagers_ for gods sake-

"-if you can't do that, there are senior officers-and me, if you want to."

Blouse blushes. Levi's only ever seen tomatoes that shade. Its not a bad look.

"I'd like that sir." She scratches at her upper lip. "I'm not particularly close to Jean and Armin, but I'll try. And thank you. Um, for the-offer. I'd like to-speak with you again."

A hybrid of horror and a painful _something_ wells up in his chest-makes his stomach clench and leaves him momentarily dazed. Is it bad that he wants to take that offer back? But she does answer to him, and a lot of things are hazy in this broken world of theirs, but Levi knows duty. Except, if he's being really honest with himself, it's more than just duty that prompts him to say: "Dinner hour soon. You should wash up and meet with the others. They'll be wondering where you've gotten to."

And just like that, their kumbaya of confidences is broken. Soldiers again, but a little more at peace, Levi hopes. Blouse isn't built like Ackerman, Yeager-and he doesn't want her to be. She's unconventional, too hesitant, and far too tender like the tiny blonde one that Braun and the freckled beanpole trail after, but she's a survivor at heart.

"I hear we're having chicken tonight", he adds-and just like that Blouse snaps to attention like a hunter after its prey. Dear god, he can practically _hear_ her saliva pooling under her tongue. Blouse smiles, so suddenly and blindingly that Levi blinks a little in self-defense.

"Really?" Blouse squeals, and Levi reminds himself that everyone has their quirks and hers is with ..food. Some things are just good distraction, he guesses.

Ah, fuck it.

"We've had a big surplus of supplies recently, since the citizens of Wall Sina have decided to set up a food donation center for the others in Wall Rose."

Blouse swallows in an audible gulp.

"Hange mentioned that there's a new batch of smoked ham in the supply warehouse."

Her eyes widen-and to be honest he's a little in disbelief himself-and then the beginnings of a grin take shape, her lips quirk upward and she damn near oozes unholy intent right down to her boots. Levi can see why she and Springer are bosom friends, the pair of them are like two deranged peas in a pod.

"Right." Blouse is staring at him like she doesn't believe he's letting her get away with this. Levi levels her with a bland expression that she can hopefully translate as 'just this once'.

"Go join your friends, trainee," he injects a little finality in his tone. "Dismissed."

"Sir!" Blouse sketches a smartish salute. She opens her mouth, hesitates, purses her lips. "Thank you, again," she says finally. "It..helped."

The tight feeling in his gut is back, _don't thank me yet_ , he wants to say, _I just quoted some fancy-ass writing Erwin lifted off a book_ \- but Levi actually meant those words, and he believes in what he said because it helps him sleep, because Blouse is just too damn soft and young to succumb to trauma-and what does it matter if comforting new recruits straight out of training camp is not what he usually does?

 _Promise me you'll survive_ , his mother once rattled out with her dying breath, beautiful even as her skin turned to rot.

"Blouse," he says, "treat yourself gently. There's a world out there that needs saving but it's no good if you can't forgive yourself first."

-and that, as tears pool in her eyes and her throat works to swallow, is probably what she was looking for.

"Come find me if you need help with-" he trails off, hesitant to name the issue itself, but Blouse gets his meaning and this time he can spot the blush making its way up her neck to her face.

"I will," she promises, attempting a smile. Its a tremulous one, but it holds.

You'll survive. You have to.

Levi waves her off. "Funny little glutton," he murmurs to himself as she heads to the training grounds where more of her batch has gathered- he can hear them from here, horsing around like they're without care in the world, full of fire and not an ounce of hurt between them.

Tomorrow their day is going to be a blur of training and mission briefing, and Blouse will remember those screams and feel the weight of her reality-but today, Kirstein has Springer in a choke hold, Braun and the beanp-Ymir are trying to balance Lenz on Hoover's shoulders, really, teenagers, and Yeager's off to the side, arms slung around Ackerman and Arlet, supported by the both of them but all of them, in a safety net of their own making. Blouse rushes at Kirstein, yelling something incoherent and then she's crashing into him, Springer toppling into Hoover who loses his footing, Braun and the beanpole stumbling over themselves trying save Lenz, who's falling on top of Arlet while Ackerman uses those eerily familiar reflexes of hers to push Yeager out of the way-and then they're all a tangle of indistinguishable limbs and crowing voices echoing in the dusk of a free day. From the bottom of the pile, Blouse's high, clear laughter bubbles forth like a brook in springtime, the lightness of it like benediction-a validation of what they're working for.

Levi decides not to call for discipline, choosing to go back to his desk. On the daily report where he should be writing about drill formations, he composes an inspiring admonishment on the dangers of eating at odd hours-he really should consider putting a lock on the kitchen door-

(but it's almost worth seeing her electric smile as she sprints to the dorms with her steals in tow.)

He can remember that, you see.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and have a nice day-night, meh. I would love reviews too! And more smallpotato shippers.


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